Sigh.
Not a very good day.
Decent days off, I guess. I dunno.
Didn't get a lot done.
Yesterday, I believed the truth. And I triumphed. And it was joyful.
Today, I believed the lie. Again. And I failed. And am miserable.
Yet not miserable. Not as miserable as I know I should be.
Anyhow, on to less significant things.
Didn't get the oil changed.
Didn't buy any tools.
Didn't call Seth.
Didn't call grandparents.
Didn't single-handedly fix my family.
DID get Angela's light bulbs.
DID get the apartment cleaned up.
DID cook dinner last night.
DID buy groceries.
DID decide on Guatemala.
Not going. I think I've decided not to go. But now I am having second thoughts. My motives are wrong. But maybe I should go anyway, and let God use me there in spite of my wrong motives. Not sure about that.
I am pretty sure I can afford it.
But the family thing.... if I take off work around Christmas, they're gonna be upset if I go to... Guatemala instead of coming home.
So leave your father and mother behind and do God's will. Oh, but it isn't that easy. They perceive that Christians should take care of family. And I agree.
Too much.
I think I am to that point again. That point where a good run wouldn't fix it. Too much stuff. The only thing that's going right is... work. Thank goodness for that.
And then there's that other thing. It hurt more than I expected, and more than it should have. And yet, I keep it on the back burner of my mind. This week has been kinda hard, because I keep thinking about the way things used to be. I had some downtime at work Wednesday, and just sat in my truck, thinking about what might have been. And whether it could have been, or if it was doomed from the start.
I don't know.
Those three, famous words that plagued me throughout the situation: "I don't know."
Roads are icy. Temp is 17... a nice warm up. Ridiculous. I kinda like it. At times, anyway.
I hope tomorrow goes smoothly- I don't want to change landing light bulbs when it's cold.
Goodnight.
Decent days off, I guess. I dunno.
Didn't get a lot done.
Yesterday, I believed the truth. And I triumphed. And it was joyful.
Today, I believed the lie. Again. And I failed. And am miserable.
Yet not miserable. Not as miserable as I know I should be.
Anyhow, on to less significant things.
Didn't get the oil changed.
Didn't buy any tools.
Didn't call Seth.
Didn't call grandparents.
Didn't single-handedly fix my family.
DID get Angela's light bulbs.
DID get the apartment cleaned up.
DID cook dinner last night.
DID buy groceries.
DID decide on Guatemala.
Not going. I think I've decided not to go. But now I am having second thoughts. My motives are wrong. But maybe I should go anyway, and let God use me there in spite of my wrong motives. Not sure about that.
I am pretty sure I can afford it.
But the family thing.... if I take off work around Christmas, they're gonna be upset if I go to... Guatemala instead of coming home.
So leave your father and mother behind and do God's will. Oh, but it isn't that easy. They perceive that Christians should take care of family. And I agree.
Too much.
I think I am to that point again. That point where a good run wouldn't fix it. Too much stuff. The only thing that's going right is... work. Thank goodness for that.
And then there's that other thing. It hurt more than I expected, and more than it should have. And yet, I keep it on the back burner of my mind. This week has been kinda hard, because I keep thinking about the way things used to be. I had some downtime at work Wednesday, and just sat in my truck, thinking about what might have been. And whether it could have been, or if it was doomed from the start.
I don't know.
Those three, famous words that plagued me throughout the situation: "I don't know."
Roads are icy. Temp is 17... a nice warm up. Ridiculous. I kinda like it. At times, anyway.
I hope tomorrow goes smoothly- I don't want to change landing light bulbs when it's cold.
Goodnight.
posted by Elmo at 10:49 PM
1 Comments:
In a book I read (don't remember which) it was said that we should witness to family first before taking off into other worlds. Not that I agree with it. Just something to think about.
Concerning what 'could have been', I often times wonder the same thing myself. Did I just really screw up? Is this what God had in mind? Could it still be? But like you said, "I don't know". It's probably better that I don't know. I would probably make even poorer decisions if I did or be scared to a point of paralysis. I guess that's where the faith part comes in.
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