Heart in Feet

Oh my grief.

You've GOT to be kidding me, right?
This is some sort of sick joke, right?

I feel a callous forming...

Anyway, moving on.

I am out of time. This whole thing is over. Four years... gone. I swear, if I don't try very hard, I can barely remember them ever happening.

I had some things to say tonight, on the way home from Rob's party... that I kept to myself.



I need someone to tell me what's okay and what isn't. What can be said, and what cannot. What IS too much, and what IS not enough?
I've been trying to deal with this a lot lately... Benjamin knows what I'm referring to. He and I share well.

More notes from church yesterday, and ones that apply to me:
You can't walk on water without JUMPING OUT OF A BOAT.
-Tim Watson

Tim also asked what we were attempting that we couldn't do on our own, without the help of God. If the answer is, "nothing," then we're not showing much faith.

Lord, you know what I am attempting... and you know whether it's Your beautiful plan or not. But I don't. I don't have to know. But I think I need to. I think I need to know whether or not I'll be able to do that.
It doesn't look promising. And, turns out, maybe I won't have to. Which is hard for me to swallow, because I wanted to be the knight in shining armor. But, I know that it's all about His glory, and not mine. So if I am not given the chance to come through in that way, then.... okay. I'll be disappointed, but... okay.

Okay, I have to run this off now.
It's just about to the breaking point.