Okay, thoughts...
So I figured out what it is that's been haunting me for ages.
The question in my mind is:
Why am I not good enough?
And the answer is: I don't know.
I was thinking about it while riding back from Wal Mart with Mark. I really don't know why. BUT- there's something different.
I no longer NEED to be good enough for that.
Long story, but this is a big accomplishment.
I think I should also clarify what I said earlier...
It's not that I am afraid of abandonment.
It's just that I know how heavily I lean on a small handful of people. And I also know that I will, most likely, be far away from them in a relatively short amount of time.
Without his life-long friend, Puff could not be brave,
So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave.
I am afraid of that more than I am afraid of getting bored.
Without the people I rely on, the ones that give me guidance and advice on a daily (and sometimes hourly) basis, where will I be?
Brave?
Doubtful.
The question in my mind is:
Why am I not good enough?
And the answer is: I don't know.
I was thinking about it while riding back from Wal Mart with Mark. I really don't know why. BUT- there's something different.
I no longer NEED to be good enough for that.
Long story, but this is a big accomplishment.
I think I should also clarify what I said earlier...
It's not that I am afraid of abandonment.
It's just that I know how heavily I lean on a small handful of people. And I also know that I will, most likely, be far away from them in a relatively short amount of time.
Without his life-long friend, Puff could not be brave,
So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave.
I am afraid of that more than I am afraid of getting bored.
Without the people I rely on, the ones that give me guidance and advice on a daily (and sometimes hourly) basis, where will I be?
Brave?
Doubtful.
posted by Elmo at 5:30 PM
4 Comments:
Did you go to Alaska this summer knowing that you would make some of the frienships that you now, so heavily rely upon? Here's a quote I once read .."the will of God will never lead you, where the grace of God cannot keep you"
peace,elmo
No, I did not. I had no idea that I would make ANY friendships. I had no idea that there would be so many people there to make friends WITH.
But I'm glad I did.
Actually, what I was referring to were people even closer than that. The people that I live with or near, I mean, and hang out with every day, and can toss wisdom back and forth to...
It's a very rare gift. For me, anyway. Never before have I had people around me that love the Lord like these guys do.
In high school, I was the religious one. In junior college, everybody was drunk.
But in the last four years, I have managed to be exposed to some really terrific men and women.
Does it make more sense now?
YES
Brian, after I wrote my reponse to your response, I realized that you may have intended a different meaning than what I picked up on...
So lemme tackle it.
Yes, I do rely on the friendships I made in Alaska, even though I am far away from nearly all of them. You're right in that regard, fo sho.
But what I think I'm getting at is that I am about to be far away from EVERYBODY. All of the Alaska clan. My best friend is leaving the country for a good part of the summer. And my roommate will be in Alaska for a while, and who knows where after that.
If I end up working for Duncan in Lincoln, I will be roommates with a buddy from LeTourneau. So that's one thing. But, who knows whether I will end up there or not.
Okay, that'll do for now.
R
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