Oh.

It is with a spirit of resignation that I write tonight.

What a day.

I am forlorn and doleful now, after a day of challenge and disappointment.

The one deep thought I had today is that life is so fleeting, so whimsical, so delicate.
We are brought together for such a short time. What is time? I don't know. But one thing I know- there's always less of it than I need, yet more of it than I want. The days pass so slowly. The mealtimes pass so quickly. The fun times end abruptly. The hard times endure painfully.

Lord, I long for the day when we will all rejoice in, for, with, and because of You. When that one thing- our rejoicing- will be permanent. Not temporary. Not subject to change. Change. What is change? Why does it haunt me? Why, when I am happy, does it break into my life and take things away?
There are many things that have not been taken away from me. My parents, for example. I praise God that I still have my parents. So many people lose their parents by the time they are my age. But He blessed me, and I still have mine. They never read this. So maybe I should tell them.

Friendship. I view friends differently than most people. Most Americans. "Shallow Americani," say the Italians. Shallow because we have fifty friends, yet none of them are close. I sympathize with this view. As a result, I have only a handful of friends.
That is, I could count my friends on one hand worth of fingers. Benjamin. Matt Wisher. Hmm. Most of the rest of my friendships are pretty shallow. Benjamin and I can talk about anything. Matt and I have had extremely deep conversations. Stuff about our faith, our views, our priorities. I pray that Mark and I will be able to develop such a friendship. We'll see.
But then, once in a while, you come across a special person. Someone who, suddenly, becomes like a brother in a very short period of time. Not someone who cuts up and tells dirty jokes with you. Not someone that you can sit around and throw back a couple of cold ones with. But a real brother.

So my buddy Jonathan... oh boy. Unfortunately, he's not going to be where I wanted him to be this fall. And I don't know how that will change things. Change. Time. There they are again. No time left to build the friendship, because plans got changed.
Who can I blame? Who am I to blame? No one. It is no one's fault. I didn't get my way. But you know what? God did. What more can I ask of life? No more.

So now come the challenges. Things I don't want to hear. Someone brought into question my work ethic tonight. I don't take that lightly. In fact, I am pretty bummed about it. I am way bummed. And the icing on the cake that really got me down was a comment that was made tonight: "I have something that will appeal to you........not working at all tomorrow."

Ouch.

I know he didn't mean it that way at all. He wasn't around for the previous conversation, wherein my work ethic was discussed. But, boy, did it hit hard that way. Don't worry- I am not upset with you. And I wouldn't have had you word it any other way.

Someone also questioned my ability to get along with people. I told a couple stories about stuff that happened over the last week. And this person just kept pinning it back on me. If I would be humble, and not demand to be respected, I would be a lot better off. Clearly, it wouldn't have bothered me so much if I didn't think there was some truth to it.

Last thought: This year's song of the summer. Claire de Lune. My grandpa's favorite. And now, possibly one of my many, many favorites. Especially this version by dine- it includes a bit of saxophone in there. It's nice.

With my eyes as windows into my soul, I now resign this day to the annals of time. I hope that tomorrow proves... revolutionary.