Crippled Thoughts on Varying Subjects

1. Compliments.
Sometimes, I just need a heartfelt compliment. Someone I tremendously respect paid me one a few weeks ago. It really served to further my friendship with this person. He didn't mean anything huge by it, but I knew from his tone that it was true. It was like a shot in the arm- it just boosted my confidence that much. Suddenly, with those four words, I felt like I really WAS useful to God, and that His Kingdom had a place for me, and that He NEEDED me to accomplish part of His work. These things I already knew, for certain, but Satan hides these lessons from us so quickly.

2. A girl.
As Keith and I were returning from our run, I saw a girl jog (more like run- she was haulin') towards the bell tower. Her hair... was waltzing in the cool dark breeze. It was beautiful. "Lord," I thought, "Someday that will be mine. And I am glad. But until then, I am content to wait on Your timing. That's okay."
And I later realized (in the shower... maybe Mark is onto something with deep thinking in the shower) that it will be a while. A while until I can heal the scars that I have made on my mind, eyes, and soul. It's not acceptable for me to jump into a serious relationship right now. I broke part of me. It's all my fault. No girl did this to me. I did it.
I am thankful for the men that understand- Junior, David, Benjamin. And I am thankful that I have figured this out. Turns out, dad was right. I didn't understand him then, and I don't think he worded it in a way that would serve to actually warn me of the fire I was playing with. But the nonchalant words he uttered were absolutely right.
Lord, it is so difficult to maintain my joy. I am still thankful for Your divine grace, but so ashamed at my own foolishness. Selfishness. Short-sightedness.
3. Today, I have been a selfish, mean, conniving little man, and I am sorry. It started right before I got in the shower, as I wrote on my AIM away message. In one tiny spec of an instant, I became filled with bitterness, anger, and jealousy. And it lasted for a good five minutes. Then, I relized where such things came from, and I realized that, with such an attitude, I would be standing in the way of the Lord accomplishing His work. So I bade them goodbye. But the attitude and bitterness have colored my day grey.

4. Going to the show tonight reminded me of how much I love to sing. In my car, alone, coming home, I was really belting it out. I'm not very good- I have no training. Maybe I could be good if I had lessons or something. Is that something the Lord would appreciate? I'm not sure. I've always wanted to be in the church choir, though. Always.

That sums up today's thoughts. Now I will move on to yesterday's.

I think I realize what one thing is.
Lately, I have been just... well, suffice it to say that some thoughts, some feelings, some appreciations, cannot be communicated by words alone. For example, God's love. I can't communicate that by talking- I must communicate it by DOING.
Anyohw, the appreciation and brotherly love I feel for this person pretty much require a hug.
Which isn't unlike me.
To be continued...