No.

That's the only word I can think of.
"No."
Someone is lying to me, right?
Tell me my efforts weren't in vain.
Tell me the pain I put myself through wasn't a waste.
Tell me that when I cried that night, hoping they'd understand, that they did understand.
Tell me my prayers were answered.

No.

They were in vain.
It was a waste.
They didn't understand.
They weren't answered (how I wanted).


I am reminded of a song that Brianna recently quoted. But I think that if I put the lyrics up here, I would hurt someone's feelings, or make them mad. They'd think I was judging them.

Why did I push so hard? I knew the question I wanted to ask. I knew what the answer might be. After they said that one phrase, I knew the answer to my question before I asked it.

My heart is low in my toes. I think I am gonna barf.

Who do I blame? I blame myself. Somehow, this is my fault. If I hadn't done the things I did, if I hadn't said those words, this could have turned out differently.
This is my fault.
So now I'll run. Rob can help. So I'll run to his place.