Uh-oh.
So I changed my mind last night. I decided that I would be willing to accept something... that I wanted something... that previously I had turned my back on.
So tonight I got some alone time. That's been rare, lately.
Back from the college staff meeting, a song that I liked was on the radio. So I shut my car off, and cranked it. And reclined my seat, and closed my eyes.
Right after that, another song that I like came on. So I lingered. And it took me to a different world, mentally. And I thought about some things. Some people. Some times.
And I changed my mind back.
I don't want those things.
Well, part of me does. But it's that time of year. I don't know why this always happens in this time of the year, but every year, I can count on it.
And I have to relearn what I already know. Every time.
It's not the facts I want to write about, it's the ideas... the feeling. So don't be disappointed in my ambiguity.
I actually have a lot to be happy about. Let alone joyful. See, they're two very different things. But I have lots of reasons for being both happy and joyful.
And I am. Mostly.
It's the deep down stuff. That no one wants to hear about. More like, that I don't want to talk about. It's not an issue of having no one to talk to. It's an issue of not wanting to talk about stuff. There's no point.
Some problems have to be dealt with. You can't whine about it; complaining doesn't mend the mind.
Some things you just have to come to grips with.
There is a downside of my joyful story of the week (which is quite a story, but one that must remain private). It's that I think I resigned to something. It was a slow process.
But I am afraid that I have given up. Have I? Without knowing it? Was I beaten into submission? No, I wasn't. I just may have chosen to stop trying to combat it.
Oh boy, I don't want to think about this anymore. I am, instead, going to focus on the joyful aspects of life, and simply commit the rest to God in prayer.
"Every memory of looking out the back door
I Had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye"
-Nickelback
So tonight I got some alone time. That's been rare, lately.
Back from the college staff meeting, a song that I liked was on the radio. So I shut my car off, and cranked it. And reclined my seat, and closed my eyes.
Right after that, another song that I like came on. So I lingered. And it took me to a different world, mentally. And I thought about some things. Some people. Some times.
And I changed my mind back.
I don't want those things.
Well, part of me does. But it's that time of year. I don't know why this always happens in this time of the year, but every year, I can count on it.
And I have to relearn what I already know. Every time.
It's not the facts I want to write about, it's the ideas... the feeling. So don't be disappointed in my ambiguity.
I actually have a lot to be happy about. Let alone joyful. See, they're two very different things. But I have lots of reasons for being both happy and joyful.
And I am. Mostly.
It's the deep down stuff. That no one wants to hear about. More like, that I don't want to talk about. It's not an issue of having no one to talk to. It's an issue of not wanting to talk about stuff. There's no point.
Some problems have to be dealt with. You can't whine about it; complaining doesn't mend the mind.
Some things you just have to come to grips with.
There is a downside of my joyful story of the week (which is quite a story, but one that must remain private). It's that I think I resigned to something. It was a slow process.
But I am afraid that I have given up. Have I? Without knowing it? Was I beaten into submission? No, I wasn't. I just may have chosen to stop trying to combat it.
Oh boy, I don't want to think about this anymore. I am, instead, going to focus on the joyful aspects of life, and simply commit the rest to God in prayer.
"Every memory of looking out the back door
I Had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye"
-Nickelback
posted by Elmo at 5:11 PM
1 Comments:
Oh, Randall. That is all. Just stopping by. Don't get to do that so much anymore. Catch you later.
Post a Comment
<< Home