Choices

So I have three large decisions to make. One involves a girl, one involves another girl, and one involves... oh boy. It's on the DL.

I will have to speak cryptically. That way, I get to talk out what I need to talk out, yet at the same time, I stay out of trouble.
Unless someone asks one of my friends about it, and then I end up screwed as usual.

So this girl. Like her a lot. But I have been living a lie. Stuk kinda clued me in. I appreciate it, but at the same time, I won't be rude to her. It's a tough spot to be in, because I don't want to 'punish' her for being nice to me. Benjamin helped, too. He gave a good suggestion. The question is whether I am ready to do that or not. Am I ready to never look back? Am I ready to never talk to her again? She promised to never again read my blog, so I guess I can think out loudER. Am I ready to end all possibilities? Am I really ready not NOT be just friends anymore? Am I ready to say goodbye? Not sure about that.

Second thing.
Man, this girl is great. But it would be so wrong for me to even try to hang out with her right now. And, she'd think I was a jerk, and that I had been deceitful all this time. Sigh.

Finally, oh boy. Not even sure where to start my thoughts on that one. Don't wanna walk away from friends. Don't wanna stick around with friends that aren't friends.



So I was noticing last night, something... what was it... well, kinda... I guess I noticed what kind of person I have become in the last couple years. And I like that person that I am turning in to. But, it kinda necessitates me not being friends with certain people anymore, and no longer giving approval to certain things and activities anymore.
I don't want people to think that I think I am better than them, but these thing I believe are wrong I REALLY BELIEVE THEY'RE WRONG... so how can I just sit there and not tell somebody, "Hey, I gotta tell you, I think that's wrong, and that you shouldn't do it."
It's an entirely new feeling. Used to be, I would say, "Pffsh, that's wrong, dude, loser." Now I get this feeling in my chest and I kinda get timid and just feel sympathetic for the person, and I start to worry about what they're really doing... I mean, is my buddy really doing what he insinuates, or is he just talking big? And I don't know what to say or where to start, but I know I can't just laugh and say 'yeah' like I used to.

Life is so much harder when you care.