God help me.
I just took a little walk in the rain, and now I feel a little bit better.
Benjamin came up with a REALLY cool analogy, but I can't remember it.
I am tired of being abused.
The three things we decided tonight were:
1. Cheer up, you'll heal faster.
2. Make new friends; find ones that respect you.
3. Do God's will, even at the expense of what others think.
1. Benjamin is bummed, so I told him to cheer up, because his body will heal better and faster if he maintains a positive attitude. He really needs a positive attitude right now. This week will be difficult for both of us, due to workload, though I did not tell him that mine would be hard... I let him talk about his a little. Lord knows, I am always whining/crying/complaining on his sleeve or whatever. Which I ended up doing a lot of tonight anyhow. :(
2. I have been abused, mistreated, and am not respected by those I admire and like. My "friends" treat me like crap. I have trouble with this every year, usually in the spring semester. But then there are other people. People like Amy Davis. She tells me that I'm cool, regardless of what I eat or do with my life.
I am tired of sitting at the table and being ridiculed because I eat a piece of cake. I am tired of being told that I am not a real engineer. I am tired of being made to do chin-ups, and I am tired of being humiliated. I didn't pledge to a society because I don't want to feel like I earned my friendships; yet lately I have been made to feel like I have to EARN the friends I already have. How stupid is that? So now, I say no. I don't want 'friends' to be my friends because I go to the gym and have a good body. I don't want to have to have a good body to 'fit in'.
I AM WHO I AM. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT, TELL ME, SO I CAN STOP WASTING TIME MAINTAINING A FRIENDSHIP THAT WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING.
Also, I don't like having my stuff taken. And for someone to sit there and say it's my fault that my stuff was stolen... that's ludicrous. And, stop making fun of what I eat, or the fact that I am not hot. DEAL WITH IT- I don't have guy friends to tell me I am hot, that's just weird. Hey, if I am not good looking enough for you to be seen with, then just tell me, rather than acting that way. I realize that I can't bench press my own mother. I am glad that you can. But I am not jealous. I would like to be healthier, and stronger. And yes, I would like to be 'hot'. But not to win the approval of a few guy friends. That would be really bizarre.
So, I need to find new friends.
I love life- how dare you, you cursed wretches, try to take my joy away. I will not stand for it any longer. Get thee behind me, Satan.
I want to be myself. I want to go out to a club, and dance all night long. And have a good time. Not to be bad, Lord knows, I don't want to be bad. I just want to be myself. I was myself in Italy. But, the me that I am now is a different- and far better- me. I want to spend some time alone, with me.
[[edited here for sensitive content]]
Father, live through me, as I follow you to a place I don't want to go.
Back to the 1-2-3:
3. Do God's will, at the expense of what others think of you.
Dad, I love you. I know you and mom think that I don't, and you think that I think you're horrible parents. I don't- I know you did some things right, and you sacrificed a whole lot for me. But if I am to become a certain thing, I have to do it.
You believe that "WE CHRISTIANS" just go out into the world and force people to change, to abandon their cultures against their will, to become just like us. This is so far from the truth. This method is referred to as the "Crusades" and was abandoned about 700 years ago. It was abandoned because it didn't work.
We do try to change some things- the horrible things that still go on. The suffering of women, the abuse of children.
What we actually do is more like this. Take Marilyn Lazslo. She went to a tribe far, far away. She became one of them. NOT the other way around. Granted, they were interested in some of the things she did, and in some of her cultural ways. They liked her skirts- the men had her make skirts for them. So there is a tribe out there in Papua New Guinea that has all the male leaders in skirts. It's not acceptable in our culture, but we don't have a problem with it for them. Back to my points.
She showed them the love of Christ. These people are coming up with ways to atone for their sins and guilt. They do it through pain, and through making themselves and others suffer. They have rituals. They weren't doing human sacrifices or anything, but they were doing other stuff. We tell them that God has already done all the suffering that the world needs, and that there is no reason to make ourselves hurt or to hurt others. God doesn't require that we circumcise women. Heck, contrary to the common thought, He doesn't even require that we circumcise men! HE SAID SO, check it out. It's not about changing them; it's about showing them God's path for salvation, which is something they generally already seek.
All that to say that, if I go to the mission field, I know that you will just think that I am out there helping to eradicate what isn't like me. That's genocide. Well, genocide is killing people, so I guess it's not that, but it WOULD be killing culture.
That's not what I am out to do, and it's not what Christians are out to do, either. We do want to end suffering, and we want to help them end illnesses for which we have vaccines. We want them to know the love of Christ that we know. The love of Christ does not involved changing people into copies of one another. God loves each of us so much, and HE CREATED OUR DIFFERENCES. Some beliefs we can't have. Such as... treating women as though they are of less worth. Jesus paid special attention in His lifetime to the fair treatment of women- it's one of the focuses of the Gospel of Luke.
Someday, I just want to go to heaven and hug people. Specific people. But I'll hug You first, God. Can I do that? Washed by the blood I am, so maybe I can touch Him... don't know, will have to think.
Benjamin came up with a REALLY cool analogy, but I can't remember it.
I am tired of being abused.
The three things we decided tonight were:
1. Cheer up, you'll heal faster.
2. Make new friends; find ones that respect you.
3. Do God's will, even at the expense of what others think.
1. Benjamin is bummed, so I told him to cheer up, because his body will heal better and faster if he maintains a positive attitude. He really needs a positive attitude right now. This week will be difficult for both of us, due to workload, though I did not tell him that mine would be hard... I let him talk about his a little. Lord knows, I am always whining/crying/complaining on his sleeve or whatever. Which I ended up doing a lot of tonight anyhow. :(
2. I have been abused, mistreated, and am not respected by those I admire and like. My "friends" treat me like crap. I have trouble with this every year, usually in the spring semester. But then there are other people. People like Amy Davis. She tells me that I'm cool, regardless of what I eat or do with my life.
I am tired of sitting at the table and being ridiculed because I eat a piece of cake. I am tired of being told that I am not a real engineer. I am tired of being made to do chin-ups, and I am tired of being humiliated. I didn't pledge to a society because I don't want to feel like I earned my friendships; yet lately I have been made to feel like I have to EARN the friends I already have. How stupid is that? So now, I say no. I don't want 'friends' to be my friends because I go to the gym and have a good body. I don't want to have to have a good body to 'fit in'.
I AM WHO I AM. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT, TELL ME, SO I CAN STOP WASTING TIME MAINTAINING A FRIENDSHIP THAT WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING.
Also, I don't like having my stuff taken. And for someone to sit there and say it's my fault that my stuff was stolen... that's ludicrous. And, stop making fun of what I eat, or the fact that I am not hot. DEAL WITH IT- I don't have guy friends to tell me I am hot, that's just weird. Hey, if I am not good looking enough for you to be seen with, then just tell me, rather than acting that way. I realize that I can't bench press my own mother. I am glad that you can. But I am not jealous. I would like to be healthier, and stronger. And yes, I would like to be 'hot'. But not to win the approval of a few guy friends. That would be really bizarre.
So, I need to find new friends.
I love life- how dare you, you cursed wretches, try to take my joy away. I will not stand for it any longer. Get thee behind me, Satan.
I want to be myself. I want to go out to a club, and dance all night long. And have a good time. Not to be bad, Lord knows, I don't want to be bad. I just want to be myself. I was myself in Italy. But, the me that I am now is a different- and far better- me. I want to spend some time alone, with me.
[[edited here for sensitive content]]
Father, live through me, as I follow you to a place I don't want to go.
Back to the 1-2-3:
3. Do God's will, at the expense of what others think of you.
Dad, I love you. I know you and mom think that I don't, and you think that I think you're horrible parents. I don't- I know you did some things right, and you sacrificed a whole lot for me. But if I am to become a certain thing, I have to do it.
You believe that "WE CHRISTIANS" just go out into the world and force people to change, to abandon their cultures against their will, to become just like us. This is so far from the truth. This method is referred to as the "Crusades" and was abandoned about 700 years ago. It was abandoned because it didn't work.
We do try to change some things- the horrible things that still go on. The suffering of women, the abuse of children.
What we actually do is more like this. Take Marilyn Lazslo. She went to a tribe far, far away. She became one of them. NOT the other way around. Granted, they were interested in some of the things she did, and in some of her cultural ways. They liked her skirts- the men had her make skirts for them. So there is a tribe out there in Papua New Guinea that has all the male leaders in skirts. It's not acceptable in our culture, but we don't have a problem with it for them. Back to my points.
She showed them the love of Christ. These people are coming up with ways to atone for their sins and guilt. They do it through pain, and through making themselves and others suffer. They have rituals. They weren't doing human sacrifices or anything, but they were doing other stuff. We tell them that God has already done all the suffering that the world needs, and that there is no reason to make ourselves hurt or to hurt others. God doesn't require that we circumcise women. Heck, contrary to the common thought, He doesn't even require that we circumcise men! HE SAID SO, check it out. It's not about changing them; it's about showing them God's path for salvation, which is something they generally already seek.
All that to say that, if I go to the mission field, I know that you will just think that I am out there helping to eradicate what isn't like me. That's genocide. Well, genocide is killing people, so I guess it's not that, but it WOULD be killing culture.
That's not what I am out to do, and it's not what Christians are out to do, either. We do want to end suffering, and we want to help them end illnesses for which we have vaccines. We want them to know the love of Christ that we know. The love of Christ does not involved changing people into copies of one another. God loves each of us so much, and HE CREATED OUR DIFFERENCES. Some beliefs we can't have. Such as... treating women as though they are of less worth. Jesus paid special attention in His lifetime to the fair treatment of women- it's one of the focuses of the Gospel of Luke.
Someday, I just want to go to heaven and hug people. Specific people. But I'll hug You first, God. Can I do that? Washed by the blood I am, so maybe I can touch Him... don't know, will have to think.
posted by Elmo at 9:23 PM
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